Ques: Dear Agony Uncle, I am writing in to you with my problem, which I suspect I share with lot of my friends. You see I was in love with this girl and at first I could not approach her in fear of what she will say or do. Then with encouragement from my friends, I did ask her one day and to my surprise she did not refuse. She said she will consider my proposal. I was on cloud seven, moon nine and star thirteenth. I was so deep in love with her. Then after about two years, where she met me couple of times for coffee, stood me up couple of times as I waited for her, seemed to prefer her girl friends than me, would not answer my calls straight or would put the phone down because she got another call, she finally came to me and told me that we were off as she wanted to concentrate on her studies.
You know people in love think about their beloved first and hence I let her go. This was six months ago and today I saw her wedding card. She is getting married next month to this senior from our college. I do not know what to do. Should I write her name on currency notes, postcard and walls to tell everybody that she is unreliable? Should I go and confront her? I am very scattered, shattered and surrounded. Please help me.
Ans: My dear Aashiq, you should do none of this. There is just one and only one way forward from here. Get your act together and work on yourself to be a Man. Let me explain this in some detail:
You see love starts as attraction between opposite sexes. Men get attracted by physical features of women likewise women also get attracted to certain traits in men. Most important thing to know, before I tell you about those features which make a man attractive, is that, this attraction is biological. It is not a choice. This means you do not get to choose who or what attracts you. You just respond automatically to those traits exhibited by another person. Think of your reaction when you see a beautiful girl. Do you consciously choose your reaction or you just feel pulled. Likewise women also do not get a choice. They get invariably drawn by these attractive traits exhibited by certain men.
So what are these traits? If you ask them what attracts them, they will give you all kinds of answers, like he is considerate, he is kind, he is a good conversatiolist and those traits are all ok however at a primal level, on the level of their biology, women respond automatically to dominance signals exhibited by an Alpha Male. Let me repeat this: Women get attracted to men who display a strong and well defined personality.
Evolutionary Psychology tells us that humans were tribal during their evolutionary journey and a strong, alpha man kept his tribe safe from predation and thus gave his kids maximum chance of survival. This trait of strength and dominance in men thus attracted women because this meant survival of her offspring when the child came. So women got hard coded to seek and respond to Alpha men. See around yourself in movies and popular fiction (in the novels they read) and you will see this pattern of feminine response to strong men.
So if you want to be attractive to girls and retain them in a relationship, be an Alpha. Your question above where you courted her, waited upon her, exhibits that you have been displaying Beta signals. Betas are largely freindzoned because they follow the wrong strategy of triggering liking in a girl by being the nice boy. They miscalculate that if they are liked, someday they will be able to graduate to being attractive . That never happens.
If you are a friend, chances are you are slotted for life and she will someday find an Alpha who she will be insanely attracted to and then you will hear all the sob stories and cribs, of his being inattentive to her. So mate, do not play on wrong side of human biology, by being a weasel. Stop being a carpet under her feet. Man up.
Be Confident of who you are. Be Bold and take Risks with your life. Stand up to authority. Square off with other men. Learn to put people in their place. When you stop to crouch and apologise for who you are, when you are no longer ashamed of your body, mind and soul you will be benefited and your women will be immensely pleased as well. Now to give you a small perspective on being a man, here is a brief introduction: http://www.sva-haa.com/2015/09/being-man.html. After reading this you can then go and google “how to be an alpha male”.
Finally friend remember, Sonam Gupta bewafa nahi hai. Tum ko wafa karvana aata nahi hai.