A girl was distraught upon breaking up with her boyfriend. He had gone off with another girl. She did not emerge out of her room for days, gave up eating and was heard crying even in the middle of the night. Her mother let her remain sad for a few days before she accosted her.
“Dear Daughter I understand that you are sad at being jilted. It might seem to you that the whole world has come to an end. However today let me give you a scientific perspective on man woman relationship. We are all so saturated by feminist rhetoric and concocted romances of Mills and Boons and Disney variety that we tend to forget the real forces at play. Knowing what I am about to tell you, will hopefully help you understand what you are going through and maybe also help you make better choices in future.”
Daughter drew in a long breath as her eyes brimmed over. Kind words from her mother were like a soft rain on the heavy load she had been carrying.
“The first thing to know “, Mother explained “ is that man woman relationship in humans, at its biological base, is a solution to the same mating problem that exists in all of species. The female of the species must choose who to mate with so that the future generation can be produced thus ensuring the specie continuity.
Now mate selection in animal kingdom is not that complicated. You mate simply with the alpha male because he being the leader of the pack, has the maximum territory that can be scouted for food as also he can ensure best security for the female and her newborns. Also since his genes are the best, the offspring produced would also carry his genome thus ensuring maximum chances of it also being an alpha.”
Daughter was first surprised at the process of sexual selection her mother was describing in the animal kingdom and then completely fascinated as no one had explained it to her before this, as a choice that female of every specie had.
“In humans though, this process is a little more complicated. It is because selecting an alpha is no longer easy since human territories have become mental instead of physical. Given, that they need the best genes for their offspring ( or genes of an Alpha) as also they need maximum resources for taking care of their baby ( or a rich or a famous man) human females, on evolutionary timescales have faced this dilemma that both of these things are not generally available in the same mate.
Males who have best genetic markers ( or Alphas and yes even the bad boys) are few and thus competition for them amongst the females is intense. Also those guys know their market value and hence they do not stick around for long with any one woman.
On the other hand there are Betas, who are hard working males, are family oriented and generally good companions. They might not have the best genes that you want to have for your baby but they have the provider’s mindset. So even though they tend to stick around, they are not the first biological choice for females ever.
Since eggs in a females womb are limited and bringing a child into the world and then sustaining it a huge task, so nature has hard-coded two competiting attraction strategies into a female psyche. She will feel attraction for best genes as also for the best provider and the final mate selected, depending on her own social status, is often a compromise between the two things she wants.
So dear daughter what I am saying is that since this guy has been poached by another girl, let him go. In terms of your choices, from evolutionary biology’s perspective, you still might want to consider giving that nerdy guy who keeps looking at you with soulful eyes, a chance to woo you; instead of making fun of him with your friends or crying over somebody who left you.
Dear one,our psychology has patterns which if you understand, help you make better life decisions” The mother concluded.