Happy Halloween

“Dying is an art form. It is a performing art and only people who live well can die well. “

“But doctor I do not want to die. I want to live well”

“Of course you do. I am just making a point that unless you contemplate death, keep it in perspective, you do not live well. So tell me how do you imagine your death. I gave you an exercise in our last session wherein I told you to vividly imagine three ways that you would die. Did you do the exercise”.

“Actually I tried doctor. However every time I try to imagine that I feel suicidal. I feel like ending my life”.

“I know you had told me that in our first session together and that is why I had asked you to imagine the moment of you death in detail. It will migrate you from the realm of fear to the realm of fantasy. As long as you keep running from your death you will be scared of it. The moment you embrace it, play with it you will start to enjoy it. Ok let’s do the visualization now. Close your eyes and describe to me how will you meet your death or commit suicide and do not be scared as I am here to assist you”.

“Ok, doctor, though I am scared. Well I can imagine cutting myself up and slashing by veins”.

“Good which vein will you slash. Describe it to me in detail. How sharp will the instrument be….. Go totally into it”.

“Well I first take a pair of sharp scissors and use one of its blades to slash across my left wrist. As I am a right hander it easier for me to cut hard with my right hand. I feel a sharp jab in my forearm and some blood spills over. The wound though is not deep as I have accidentally cut myself above the wrist . I can see the green table cloth becoming patchy with red spots. Then I again muster my courage, focus upon not to shut my eyes while slicing and slash deep and hard across my wrist. This time I feel an even deeper sliver of pain”.

“Go on, do not stop now. Tell me more”. 

“From the rising fear in my gut and strange tingling of my spine I intuitively know that the wound is right this time. Blood gushes out from the sliced vein. The out flow is slow but steady and I can feel the pressure in my body easing off. Soon I start to feel light and heady. It is like a high feeling. I stop to feel myself as intensely as I normally do ; my problems seem far away in the accompanying hazy and diffused feeling”.

“Excellent you are on the right path. To recover totally from your suicidal tendencies you must now play act this out. On my consulting table there, is a pair of sharp scissors. Go get them”.

“Yes that’s good. Now close your eyes as I have closed mine. Good sitting on your couch now first feel the coldness of scissors in your hand. Now touch the edge on your skin and feel it’s tingle. This is life. This movement in your skin is the fluctuation of life. To feel it more intensely slash yourself now…… Go on do it …… What are you waiting for…..do not stare at me like that…. I promised you a cure and I will cure you”.

“Dr Rishi Avasthi, you are under arrest for your psychopathic behavior in abetment and aiding suicide of your three victims, Raj Sharma, Suman Nath and Saroj Bala. Raj had jumped of a bridge, Suman had locked and burned herself while Saroj had consumed poison. I am the investigating officer of their cases and this session has been video recorded to be used as evidence against you in a court of law”.