Once a man brought his new born child to the Master for blessing.
Master touched the child in benediction but blessed the father with the words. ”Heal yourself”..
The congregation looked at master with surprise. Why was he addressing the father and not the child and what kind of blessing was that.
Master smiled and clarified “This child here will be molded not by what her parents tell her but by how they act around her. Parents pass on their brokenness and their shame to their children subconsciously. This pattern is then repeated across generations, like family genes, till one generation chooses to close those wounds by healing their shame. So I blessed the parent to repair himself and free this child from carrying that heavy load through her life, before passing it on further.
One of the disciples who had renounced his family for monastic ways, inquired “Master so what positive role can parents play in rearing of their young, except for not loading them with this heavy burden”.
Master looked at him indulgently, in understanding of his guilt and pain before replying” When you are a parent, the assigned role is of a gardener and not of a genetic engineer. The seed already carries blueprint of the full tree, so it is your task to trust that innate design. If you try to control its shape or its outcome, you will stunt its growth.
Overall as a parent, be content with protecting the seed early on and then providing the environment of rain and the sunshine for its uniqueness to blossom. All else is an interference.”