My Dear Son,
Today, on your 16th birthday, I overheard you and your friends discussing what it takes to be a man and what kind of men do women like. I know there are conflicting narratives on this, so let me help you cut the confusion with some insights.
Any male to be a man has to be connected to his masculine. Masculine, by definition, is fierce warrior energy expressed, to impact the territory, under your watch.
Let me unpack this definition for you.
Feminine has the energy polarity that creates life. That is its hard coded, non negotiable purpose. Now nature to keep that new born life safe and the specie alive, tasked masculine with guarding the territory and procuring resources for it. To do that job successfully, masculine was endowed with warrior energy to handle predators, decisiveness to act under tight situations and courage to handle pain and risks of guardianship.
However nature was also clever enough to know that with time and culture, definition of territories change. Hence masculine was never biologically embedded like feminine. It was soft coded to evolve with time and defining cultures. Thus each male at some stage has to become a man, by connecting to his innate masculine. It is a choice that he makes.
You my son, are now in the age of making that precious connect. Inspite of all cultural variations across time, know, that archetypal masculine role of territory guardian and resource creator is still what captures a man’s core and his masculine soul. It is that you must fully connect to.
Up until 20th century when, resources were scarce, wars over them common, warriors, soldiers, fighters were the embodiment of masculine. They fought for a physical territory. Their masculinity code, based on brotherhood of men, was bravery, honor and loyalty. However modern world is an empire of ideas and there is no physical territory to be conquered. Also owing to resource surplus & rule of law, securing and guarding resources, is easy.
So the new code that allows you to live a life empowered from your masculine core, is to mold your immediate environment in some unique way and thus own it. You can start a supply route, create a market, write a book, teach a class, compose a melody, innovate a process, etc…. however you have to be the master of your immediate environment in some way, to feel like a man.
Remember as you try to change and own your immediate territory with some idea, strategy, innovation or action, you will meet opposition from entrenched habits, conservatives, rivals and others. As you set out to create your space in this world it will not give you an inch of it. You will then have to take a stand, conquer your fears, tame opposition, push hard and this will engage and express your warrior energy to its fullest. With effort, fight and scars then, you will incrementally become a man who is in control of himself and his domain.
About women, the big secret is, that a man who pleases himself, pleases a women. It is never the other way round. Bear love and respect for them, but they know as you should, that unless you cherish your masculine, you cannot honor their feminine. So embodying your masculine to be a man, should always be your first priority.
A women, like the world, will repeatedly test this allegiance. If you are authentic and uncompromising, she will come to trust your integrity, relax in your strength as her feminine will feel validated by your love and desire for her. You will then be the strong man that she covets in her dreams and drools over in all her romantic fiction novels.
Finally son, know that I will always love you, especially at that defining step of your manhood, when you will need to out-grow me, in the quest to be your own man.